October 6, 2010

Note to Self

It's amazing how one minute you're a daughter and the next you're a mother.  It's crazy how quickly we adapt and grow into new roles.  I was a daughter --  now I'm a  partner, chef, caregiver, protector, cleaner, lover, friend, mother.  
My role keeps layering and layering.... thickening into this papermache-ish creation that it is now.  If I peel off all the layers would there still be a daughter under there somewhere?  Maybe? Probably not.  Perhaps I'd just find a mess of personalities...blurred lines.... cloudy roles.... hazy shadows of my former, present and future self.  
It's incredibly unbelievable how life changes so quickly.  So quickly.
How I've changed.  
How Seba has changed me.
I used to be an almost passenger in my life... letting it lead me -- Now I'm  the architect of my life -- designing it, changing it, developing it... adding and erasing roles --- living it. Fully.
Would I have changed with or without Seba? I'll never really know, but -- Wild guess? I don't think so.  Am I the woman I thought I would have been? No.  Rewind in time and ask me about marriage, kids, motherhood.... you would've seen a different girl.  Not me.  
I was non-existent. 
The person I am now was born when Seba was born.  We were created together and now we grow, learn and develop together -- he as a son and I as his mother.

I love my role. my life. my son. my family.  I love it to itty bitty pieces.

The stinkster loves his bath to pieces. 

1 comment:

  1. Lisa!!! I just read the last bit and man I'm sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes.. maybe it's my hormones..but that was too sweet. I love how much you love being a mother, it's very reassuring to someone who is about to enter motherhood very,very soon.


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