February 28, 2011

love stinks

contagious itty bitty yawns catch me. the lulling of a coldplay instrumental softly calms me. chubby fingers on my phone. unplugged. watery eyes slowly drying. mine, not his.
one more week.
i find myself wondering what he'll be doing at certain times of the day.  how many hours of his wakeness i will miss. how many hours of mine he will miss.  ok.. 7:30 he'll be sleeping. 9:00 up and eating. 10:45 sleeping. 12:00 eating and playing. 2:30 maybe sleeping. 4:00 on my way home. phew.  this makes me feel better.  imagining his day without me makes me feel better. sometimes.

but it will get easier.

how can anyone be worried about their baby having attachment issues? what about parents? what about our attachment issues?  at 12 months babies start communicating. they begin to miss us when we exit a room (never exit when their back is to you "they say"... it may make them worry that you will always disappear when they're not looking).but what happens if we've exited before they even open their eyes?  what if they come looking for us and we're not there?  we go back to work right when our attachment is strongest. right when it hurts the most. when it's felt the most.  on both ends.  we build this strong connection... this strong trust.. and then we disappear for 9 hours a day. it feels worse than the worst break-up.  it's heart breaking.

but it will get easier.

i know we get used to it.  i know it becomes routine.  i know it will get easier.  being away from  the person i spend most of my day with will somehow get easier.
sometimes when he wakes me up in the morning... jumping on my head and gheeing... sometimes i think "well at least i can escape this when i go back to work" -- but a minute later i change my mind. a minute later when he smiles and squishes his chubby cheeks against mine, i forget all about it. nothing could make leaving him a pleasure. nothing could make leaving him seem less horrible. nothing could make leaving him easier.

but it will get easier.

i am severely and unjustly jealous of anyone that gets to spend time with him while i'm away.  i hate these lucky people.  i hate that they get to be witness to his every single smile, crawl, step, laugh, word, cry.
i hate that i hate them.

but it will get easier.

and like many other mothers, i will get used to it. and so will he. it will become effortless child's play. i will mechanically kiss my son goodbye and be on my way.... but won't that be just as sad? won't it be sadder when i no longer countdown the hours before i see him? when i no longer choke-up when i think of what i'm missing?  when i can't wait to get home and relax rather than play? when my weekends seem to be enough?

 when it gets easier?

i hope it never gets easier.  i hope i get stronger.  i hope i find ways to keep seba in my day even if i am not with him.  a lunch break on skype.  a visit from seba and daddy.  a phone call if only to hear him press buttons.  we will find ways to not make it easier, but to make it a life and a living... neither of which will be easy...
but both of which will be worth it.

my stinky little prince....the only thing easy right now is loving you. it's just so easy.
love stinks.

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February 27, 2011

365 minutes with stinky: minute 6

stinky dancing to his favourite music video, Uomo Tigre, on YouTube.
it ends quite abruptly... but i did say a minute a day.. and if i don't limit myself i might end up with a full day of 1440 minutes instead!

February 24, 2011

Thrift Thursdays: the stale smell of tupperware... among other pleasures

 is it still thrifting when you "buy" it from mom's house?

measuring bowls

i remember opening and closing these repeatedly as a child. so fun.

serving tray

ceramic dish, bowl and cup (made by a family friend in the late 70s)

i need more space in my cupboards

the oodles of non thrift items that i'm crushing on lately:

this bay popcorn tin would look so cute as a garbage can or a magazine tin $9.99

♥ this rug from ikea $399

a novel i need to buy

wall art of my 
all the work of toronto-based alanna cavanagh, 
check her out here

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365 minutes with stinky: minute three

his mood was up and down after his 12-month vaccinations yesterday... that is until i gave him a bath and let him loose in the bathroom... naked.  
i made 3 videos... this is the one that needed the least censoring.
the other two? one he goes into the shower and pees. the other he tries to mountain climb into the bath tub.

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February 23, 2011

what HE wore wednesday (cause what i wore, just ain't worth showing)... PS. 12-month shots are not fun

today stinky wore only a bottle and a half-smile, a blanket and rosy cheeks
i keep lying to him... telling him i know how he feels, but i don't.
my poor stinkster, i hope you feel better tomorrow.

365 minutes with stinky: minute two

unrequited love
seba & the vacuum.

the making of a monsterbash

invite designed by Vicky and printed by Papertalk Press (Stak Print Solutions Inc)
i made the little poem because we preferred books as the stinks has one billion toys already...
it ended up looking and sounding so cute on the invite.
stinky received a lot of books.

02.19.11: preparations

(and yes, the calendar has the wrong day)

Cookie Bags

 02.20.11: the big day

cooking with my man

... and it all boils down to this perfect shot.
some kids hate santa claus, others hate touching cupcakes with their hands.
stinky refused to move his hands from his side, but wanted someone to feed him the "dirty" cupcake.
this news made vicky's mom proud. 

i devoured all of vicky's pizza puffs completely on my own.






 02.21.11: without even asking.. he just went ahead and turned one.

aunty trish made a toad stool and a cute little owl for stinky!

uncle jay, aunty ana, tristan  & alysia gave stinky a little help with walking

his name is sebastian. gifted from aunty vicky and uncle phil. can't get any monsterier than that.

trunki: stinky's very own carry-on luggage. now he's ready to travel in style.
stokke.  stinky's previous high chair which we found on a neighbour's lawn officially died a couple weeks back. the seatbelt broke.  we were using a belt for a while. it was time for a new chair. what a tough decision this was. we were between ikea, phil & ted's and stokke. i know.. huge contrast.
we went stokke. 
i was a little concerned that the stinks would be slithering out of it... but instead he loves it. 
group shot of all the wonderful books stinky received for his birthday
a huge thanks to all our family and friends that spent the day with us
can you believe he only had 1 set of doubles and one book he already has?
quadricycle: a new obsession begins...

February 22, 2011

365 minutes of stinky: minute one

i've been inspired by so many 365 blogs.
in case you don't know, project 365 is when you take a photo everyday for the year and post it on your blog.  some are themed, some aren't.
i've decided to do 365 videos of the stinkster instead.  
so everyday, for one minute i will videotape seba doing whatever he happens to be doing in the moment. today i caught him in our shower... crawling in circles. weird. i know.
 it will be wonderful to look at these next year and watch all 365 minutes for his second birthday. 
and so we begin a year with our stinky prince.

February 21, 2011

stinky's monster bash was not so monstrous after all

 i can't believe i called this day "madness" in my previous post.  dramatic me.  my perspective changed a lot after viewing these photos. 
 it went from madness to madlove.
happy birthday my beautiful boy. i love you like no other. so much so that sometimes it makes me mad. 
(loony, bananas, crazy, cuckoo, wacky)

show's over folks!

ok guys... so much credit to give for some of these wonderful birthday ideas. 
monsters were free cut by vicky while looking at this blog. the green drunk monster was an original addition created by vicky while looking at her fianc√© phillip.
the bookmark idea was from this beautiful baby shower ... the only difference was that we used vintage golden books to make the little banner at the top and attached yummy cookies in cute little polka dot baggies.
the tissue balls were a combined effort of monique, joan, vicky, stefano and myself. they took a beyond LONG time to complete... and i will leave them in my kitchen until seba is able to reach up and take them down himself... at which point i will pull him down and leave them up even longer.
the onesie shirt was made by 1hrt ... $22 american apparel with print. you do the whole thing online. it's great.

... and of course some phonetography to follow...

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